A little reminder.

In college, we were asked to write a poem that describes ourselves.  I always hated that; talking about myself.  I feel like I never know the right things to say, you want to point out your strengths while  trying not to sound like an arrogant fool.  What was there to say about me anyways?  I was a 22 year old single mom working full time while going to school full time.  What do I like to do in my free time? Sleep.  I felt like there was nothing that really defined me.




Looking back, that college experience was one of the most pivotal moments in my life; it made me take a good look at myself from the inside out.  I thought about what it took for me to get where I was- the tears, the struggles, the sleepless nights.  I thought about what carried me through the hard times and into better days.  I thought about my beautiful baby boy.  I knew what my classmates saw when they looked at me, and I knew what I wanted them to think when they looked at me.  Not just my classmates, but my professors, my coworkers, and my family as well.


It has taken me a long time to learn how to be vulnerable.  I'm guilty of bottling everything inside.  One of my biggest regrets was allowing my emotional pain to interfere with my pregnancy.  No one was happy for me, no one really supported my decision; not even my own family. I knew I was going to be alone the moment that baby was born and I was so scared. I remember sleeping in my car one night with tears of despair streaming down my face, wondering how I was going to raise a child when I didn't even have a place to live.  I had no real plan, I just knew how much I loved my baby already and that I was going to succeed no matter what it took.




I used this assignment as a sort of stepping stone into my vulnerability.  No one really knew my story, I think part of me was embarrassed by it.  Being pregnant at nineteen while living out of your car isn't exactly admirable.  What is, however, is how you overcome your obstacles.  I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, I wanted them to learn from me.  I wanted them to never give up, no matter how far away their goals seemed. 




Today, I stumbled upon this poem again.  It was a reminder that I needed.  Someone told me the other day that they can't believe how strong of a person I am.  Lately, I haven't been feeling very strong.  I feel defeated in my life.  I feel like the harder I am trying to accomplish my goals, the further away they become.  I feel like my child's world is falling apart around him and he doesn't even know it.  Then I remember, I've been through this before.  It's been Parker and I against the world since the beginning.  I am the Batman to his Robin, and together we can face anything.  That poor child has been through more than most children his age should ever have to go through, but until the day I die I will do everything in my power to love and protect him. That's what life is all about.  Sometimes all you need is a little reminder, and to be your own inspiration.






"My baby,

I do not know your name yet, or whether you are a boy or a girl, but I do know that I love you more than anything already.

Every time I feel your little kicks or hiccups inside me, my heart swells a little; I didn’t know it was possible to love something so much you’ve never even met.

I’m going to be a mommy, how exciting is that!  Except, I seem to be the other one who is excited.

Everyone keeps telling me my life is over, that I’ll never finish college, and that I’ve ruined my future.

Can’t they see that my life is really just beginning?

My baby,

Every day you are growing bigger and stronger, you make mommy so proud!

You make mommy’s belly stretch and bulge, but I don’t mind because I’m carrying precious cargo.

Sometimes I sit and think about what you’ll look like. Will you have mommy’s little nose?

Everyone keeps staring at me like I have some strange disease; they treat me as if I were dying.

Can’t they see that my life is really just beginning?

My baby,

You are my world, my inspiration, and my hope for better days.

You motivate me and push me to be stronger than I could have ever imagined.

Everyone will say you were a mistake, an accident, not part of the plan.

But the truth is, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I can’t help but stare in amazement at your beauty and perfection, knowing it was me who created such a miracle.

And I promise, my baby, to love you unconditionally, always and forever.

I promise you, my baby, that I will not give up until you have the best life that I could possibly give to you.

Everyone says I’m too young to be a mom, to raise a child on my own.

But I’m ready to prove them wrong. When they say I can’t, I’ll show them that we can.

Can’t they see that our lives are really just beginning?"